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Thursday, January 8, 2015

A Stitch in Time

Pinterest is the perfect website for sporadic obsessives. About every 6 months or so I get obsessed with crocheting. I prefer to do simple, fast projects that give maximum reward in the least amount of time, scarves, baby blankets; I can make a pair of baby booties in 45 minutes. These projects can be found by the thousands on Pinterest, linking to everything from humble personal blogs to big time fiber artist time sucks like Ravelry. My personal favorite pins always seem to lead back to my internet secret best friend, Mikey, at the Crochet Crowd. He's a charmer and a damn fine fiber artist and his instructional videos don't stop in the middle and say repeat for 15 rows, he just keeps stitching and chatting and you can crochet right along with him.

I even have my own board just for crochet projects, Crochet Away the Day, because when I get a day off to stay in bed and binge on Netflix (just like you, don't you judge me) I like to have something to do with my hands. It's also a way of deflecting nosy parkers who want question the validity of your life choices, like the decision to watch all of House of Cards in one sitting whilst never changing out of your pajamas. You can look at them angrily and imply that if you don't finish this blanket we may not all make it through the winter. Also if you crochet a large enough afghan you can by means of stealthy camouflage disguise yourself as a pile of blankets and pillows should anyone come by looking for something annoying like food or medical attention. Pro Tip: use your headphones on your laptop, lest the person seeking you hear the sonorous southern tones of Kevin Spacey's Francis Underwood and give you away.

I probably shouldn't even tell you this, but only slightly less popular than the "How To Wear an Infinity Scarf" pins, are the "How to MAKE an Infinity Scarf" pins. You can throw yourself at the mercy of the cruel gods of Tits Mountain, but I've had enough.

One thing I've done that I think is sort of cool is to have my daughter, who is a beginning crocheter, take long pieces of scrap yarn and have her chain stitch them into ribbons. I use the ribbons on presents that I wrap with my *unconventional* wrapping materials like brown paper bags or the Sunday comics or butcher paper upon which the girls have colored. It adds a nice little homemade touch even if the present inside is just some plastic junk made in China.

My current project is this scrap yarn, multi-colored afghan I am making for my husband. It is about 5 and a half feet long, but only about 2 feet wide at this point. I am hoping to get it done by his birthday in April and I can if everyone will just leave me alone with all 7 seasons of Gilmore Girls already.

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